HaPPy FaTHers' Day

It was Fathers' day yesterday..but (luckily?) I had so much work to do..final exams n all...was walking with a friend when she mentioned she had to call her dad..wish him happy Fathers' day..I knew she instantly regretted saying that..so d topic changed...but it still stayed on my mind...I wouldn't have to call anybody today..I miss him sooo..could actually enact how the conversation would have gone: "Hello, daddy goodafternoon..."ah...my mother!, Ovilaria!  how r u?.."Im fine daddy..Happy Fathers' day".." thank you my daughter...so how is school..when are you finishing your exams?...."..then we would go on to discuss frivolities for d next 2mins...But I couldn't let these thoughts find a home..not today..got exams to deal with...So I just let work swallow me up...(Let's hope there's something to help with dat next yr *fingers crossed*)...However, work had to let up..I had to face this...recognize this new feeling..but it isn't all nice...Think this is more about the 'absence' than of the absence of a father for I do have a Father...I need to always remember that..Happy Fathers' Day Father Lord *winks*

The first 31days without...

they say time heals all wounds...maybe it does afterall...i like to see it as God's soothing balm...the 13th of May 2011 is a date I am never to forget...It's been one month...one unforgettable month...new perspectives, great changes(or changes considered)..it still seems like a dream...there still are so may questions hanging...more ..decisions to make..like what to do with his number on my fone...or how to answer when an old friend asks "howz ur dad?"...*sighs*..However my hope grows each day as i see HIS love, faithfulness, guidance shown in every...So i don't have to have answers now, or know wot to do with everything...just face what's right in front of me..n trust Him to handle how d rest come...

Daddy left me a box

Not sure what exactly triggered this...just something here, another there...then...Chinwe, 'Ande, Bimpe(dear friends) and I  spent the whole of 120minutes and some more talking….venting... (had a test the next morning that none of us was prepared for…but that could wait)…we decided we've had enough:

'Trust nobody!', 'always have a back up plan', '
'Wind  windows up in traffic (even when it feels like 100degrees)'
'Don’t have female helps ('they could seduce your husby')'
'Don't have male helps ( 'they could seduce your wife')'
'Don't trust  family members ('my friend's father raped her')'
'Don't trust friends ('a friend of my friend scammed him ') '
'Don’t own flashy things (people could get jealous and hurt you)'
'Love with your head not your heart ('that way there's no heartbreak')'
'Don't announce your success ('you never know who's listening')'
'Don't let anyone know when you're travelling'
'Don’t let anybody touch your head'
'Don’t leave  food with anybody'
'Don't go out at night'

Don’t don't don't

How did life get so evil, careful, mediocre…children are trained in the way of distrust(of everybody), skepticism(of everything)... Placed in a box by well-meaning loved ones…they grow up learn a few 'lessons' of their own... the box gets smaller for the next generation…and the next...

This shouldn’t be

It's like we're given a room..someone turned off the lights...we try to move around, blindly…then just as we get comfortable with moving , something pricks our feet and we make a mental note not to go that far again, we take a step back…tomorrow we bump our head.. it really hurts…another mental note…another step back...next day, another pain…another mental note…more steps back...we keep moving back…backing up against the wall…
Pushed to the wall… fight back or surrender

We must fight back..the good fight….

'Cause  it'll never let up

Evil won't retreat…it won't remain as it is…it'll keep moving….it'll get worse

The world isn't getting better, what was seen as a taboo is now just a bad thing…what we used to spit at, we now just shake our heads at…evil has moved up a notch…

But we're called into an abundant life John 10:10…even in all of this

Where we are not afraid to open our hearts/homes/windows

Where we are not afraid to talk, laugh, celebrate, love

Where we're not afraid to live

Only in Christ…

We're free in Him…the lights have been turned on...let's move forward…refusing those restrictions...let's start living

People need freedom…we'll show it, they'll embrace it…they'll embrace Him

Our legacy does not have to be a box...

He says 'we are not compatible'...married for the whole of 3years!..then got 'incompatible'?!...i'm really trying to understand...did she mutate or shape shift...i mean i'm not a fan of 'for better for worse' but i agree with it in the context of long suffering...guy meets  girl, chop all the fronting, endure the mood swings,finally gets a drab 'let's see how it goes', meets the parents, kiss the dust(for d yoruba brothers), walk the aisle, says I do... he's got to love her right?...yeah right!...2 years later...'i don't think it's working'...you don't think it's working?! is this a new ambi-pur or a life long commitment?...Guys i'm sorry for bringing it all down on you...blame the real-life subject who happens to be a guy......ok I think i'm more upset because I strongly believe in happily ever afters... hence this fight...Father I really do wish i'd hear a story of 2 people that stuck together..grew old together...i know they're out there..i believe...

A day out of in

so i left d shores of d 'island' yesterday....first in about 2 months...a few changes(and it seemed none was for d better).. standin at d bustop... temperature:above normal degrees...who can think in this heat?!...(Father i want my car)...sitting in an overcrowded bus sitting in d row right behind d driver... in d middle of two well-fed people (who thought it necessary to make themselves very comfortable...at least d 50-something-kg girl sitting between them wouldnt mind...oh...but i did!)...with my feet on an over heated engine....assumed d crouching tiger pose(i love u Jackie Chan) for d whole of 30 minutes...then we were blessed with rain...didnt plan for my first visit to a sauna to be in a bus..but what can we do... Anyway, 3 bikes, 1 mile(or what felt like it) and 1 shuttle later..on my bed...i had to think- how do people go thru that routine every single day...and not even hav a pillow to lay their heads on at night......women selling by d roadside come rain come sun..children running after cars for a living...while trying to avoid those 2-wheeled pests(dat seem to own d roads and the roadsides)...being barked at cause their little hands couldn't find d right change before the traffic moved...15 yr old men who bark their talk(a source of my d migraines that stormed my head)'to protect d area'...how do they do this and still find a reason to smile(though not so often)...But things have to change...dis can't be the average standard of living...people shouldn't live like this...Father what can we do?

About this...

here i get to voice my take on everthing(well..almost everthing)...more like my online diary except everyone gets to read it..:-)